I just walked through an experience that I wanted to share with you. Day before yesterday, I posted this comment on my personal Facebook timeline…

“Until a few days ago, I didn’t even know who Harrison Butker was. Now… I wish I didn’t.”

For anyone reading this who’s not heard or isn’t aware of it (you can Google it), this man is the kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs and this past Saturday he provided the commencement speech at the graduation ceremony for Benedictine College in Atchison, KS. His comments made me very sad because to me, they felt very disrespectful of particularly the young women in that audience who’d just spent the last 4-5 years of their life achieving something that was likely very special to them that they were there to celebrate.

I’m not going to go into the details about the content of his speech because that’s not what this post is about. This post is about the comments that were made by my friends on Facebook that I’m connected to (some in A.A., some not). There were a handful of folks who got a little “crispy” (as I like to call it) in their comments, both about the speaker and his speech, as well about some of the comments my friends had made (when will I learn not to create spaces for this kind of thing?!?!?! #mypart LOL!)

At any rate, for about 48 hours, I sat and watched my friends interact with me and with each other on this Facebook post and this morning, I sat down after my morning prayer and posted this:

“So, here’s what I have learned from and have been reminded of by this experience….

1.) I don’t have to (or need to) agree with everyone.
2.) When I disagree with you, I can absolutely stand steadfast in my beliefs but I don’t need to demonize you in the process (disagree without being disagreeable which is kind of what I thought my original words in this post did).
3.) Me disagreeing with you is about ME, not about YOU.
4.) In the same way that I ask for you to allow me my space to have my beliefs, I need to allow you the same respect whether I agree or not. (Hmmm, I think we have something about that in our Constitution)
5.) If I share how I am feeling about something and you are in the center of the content that’s driven my sharing, see #3 above.

If you go back and look closely at my original words in this post, you will see that at the end of it, it really was more about me and less about him.

Does he have the right to share his beliefs? Yes. Does he (or anyone) have the right to disrespect another human being for their choices? No. I just hope that what my teachable moment here is that words have power and that I can do a better job about making this world a better place when I choose them. Who am I to tell anyone what they should be doing, feeling, or thinking? I need to be responsible for my side of the street and not let what you do, say, or feel influence my peace of mind or internal happiness. If you disagree with anything I’ve said here, that perfectly fine, but please don’t demonize me while doing so. Please DO feel free to share your disagreement without being disagreeable or disrespectful to me. Thank you. 💙🕊🙏🏻”

What have the 12 Steps of A.A. taught me about how to show up to this world and about how to interact with all of God’s kids?

Honestly, numbers 1-5 above pretty much display what I’ve learned. One of the most important things I learned from this experience (and I chose not to post it on the timeline so as not to fuel the fires any more than they already were), was what it says in the 12&12 in Step 10, “It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about “justifiable” anger? If somebody cheats us, aren’t we entitled to be mad? Can’t we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us of A.A. these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it.”

I share this this morning because I thought it would be a great reminder for me that how I show up in this 24-hour period using the spiritual tools I’ve been taught is important. It’s really easy to be emotionally sober sitting in an A.A. meeting, but when I walk out the door, how am I practicing these principles in ALL my affairs (even on Facebook)? I heard someone say once that the measure of an A.A. group is not what happens between the start of the meeting and the end of the meeting – it’s what happens from the end of one meeting to the start of the next one. I think the same thing applies to it’s members.

I hope that me sharing this experience with you has brought some awareness to the responsibility we each have as sober members of A.A. to be the power of example of the clear and adequate message laid down for us in our basic text.

In love & service,