I didn’t know when I waked in the doors that you would be teaching me things that would help me deal with the life I had burned to the ground (unbeknownst to me…lol). I thought maybe, just maybe you would help me better understand if I was an alcoholic or not. What I DIDN’T know was you would teach me how to become a better man, be a better person to those around me, and be happy.  I didn’t know I would grow a conscience. But one of the biggest things I didn’t know was how to identify that I had been a fearful man for most of my life.

Our literature talks about there being two kinds of fear:

1. Fear of not getting what we want
2. Or fear of losing something we already have

If I look at them closely, every single defect of character I have has one of these two things as the foundation.

A simple search on the internet will say that fear is an unpleasant emotion that can be defined as a response to a perceived threat or danger. It can also be used to describe something that a person is often afraid of. Fear can cause psychological changes that may lead to behavioral reactions like fleeing or becoming aggressive.

One of the most important things I learned about fear is that it can be “fancied or real” (in my mind or actually true). I can’t tell you how many times I dreamed up stuff in my head that I became afraid of that simply was not true.  I heard someone say in a meeting at my home group once on the topic of fear, “I used to be afraid of both failure and success.” I could relate to that but the most interesting part of it was that fear always preceded the actual failure or success. It was something I dreamed up in my head long before either of them ever came true.

Are there positive sides to fear? I’ve heard that fear can help us survive, protect us when needed, and, at times, helps us to learn and focus on what is most important. It keeps us alive; and at the same time it encircles us in a blanket of protection that may limit our capacity for life and love.

That said, typically, the universal trigger for fear is the threat of harm, real or imagined. This threat can be for our physical, emotional or psychological well-being. While there are certain things that trigger fear in most of us, we can learn to become afraid of nearly anything.

From an intellectual perspective, clinicians often refer to three kinds of fear:

Rational Fear: Rational fears occur where there is a real, imminent threat. …
Primal Fear: Primal fear is defined as an innate fear that is programmed into our brains. …
Irrational Fear: Irrational fears are the ones that don’t make logical sense and can vary greatly from person to person.

I don’t know that I spend much time with those definitions though.  I like to keep it simple and refer back to the two kinds of fear (listed above) that our literature talks about primarily because the main problem I have centers in my mind and because the root of my problem is selfishness and self-centeredness. Those two seem to make sense to me. It’s generally really easy for me to identify two parts of fear – the problem and the solution.  There are many places in our literature that identify the two, but here are a few:

THE PROBLEM

• “Then came the night when the physical and mental torture was so hellish I feared I would burst through my window, sash and all.” – Bill’s Story
• “We were having trouble with ­personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people…” – We Agnostics
• “Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.” – How It Works

THE SOLUTION

• “When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn’t. What was our choice to be?” – We Agnostics
• “We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there.” – We Agnostics
• “As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.” – How It Works
• “Once we have taken this step (S5), withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.” – Into Action

I will forever be grateful that Bill W. identified on the top of page 35 in More About Alcoholism that the crux of my problem is my “mental states” (my thinking) and just ten (10) pages laters in We Agnostics on page 45, he identifies the solution to my problem – developing a relationship with a God of my understanding. I may think my problem is my spouse, my job, my family, the IRS, the balance of my checking account (all which can create fear in a heartbeat); but the only solution I have ever found that works is asking my HP to remove it from me so that I can turn down the volume in my head and learn to be of maximum service to God and it’s kids.

Is fear (fancied or real) ruling your life in this moment?  Ok, well… then… you know what to do!

In love & service,