Good morning family,

My sponsor and I were talking with one of my sponsees this week on the topic of “old behavior.” If you’ve read page 567 in the 4th edition of the BB, you know that the first paragraph says:

“The terms “spiritual experience” and “spiritual awakening” are used many times in this book which, upon careful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms.”

I love that Bill talks about the personality change that comes to us as a result of having had a spiritual awakening. I certainly know that to be true in my life. Before coming to the rooms, I made a lot of mistakes. Since being in the rooms, I’ve made a lot of mistakes too. There is one big difference for me today though because after taking the Steps and after having had a spiritual experience as a result of taking them, something is different in the way I show up to those mistakes.

The reason we were talking about old behavior is that my sponsee (who has just under 10 years sober) had found himself participating in some old behavior recently and his alcoholic mind that lives between his left ear and right ear had him questioning WHY he couldn’t do what he was doing.  Instead of using the moral argument (which I was using with him in our initial conversation about it saying things like, “Men of dignity and integrity don’t act like that”), my sponsor went straight to the book sharing similar passages to these (I can’t remember exactly the ones he used – CRS…lol):

• “It relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor, though it often remains strong in other respects. My incredible behavior in the face of a ­desperate desire to stop was explained. Understanding myself now, I fared forth in high hope.” – Bill’s Story
• (Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde) “This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.” – There Is A Solution
• “Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking.” – More About Alcoholism
• “First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.” – How It Works

How many times have I and others said after our spiritual awakening that, “I am not the same man today that I was when I walked into the rooms?” One of the beautiful things that has occurred for me is that when life happens today, I don’t think like I used to about it. I used to be that guy that said things like, “Why is this happening to me?” Today, mostly (not all the time but mostly), I think, “Why is this happening FOR me?” What are the teachable moments here for me? There is a personality change that has occurred in me by God’s grace.

As the three of us were talking, my sponsor said something to my sponsee that he has said to me many times, he said:

“We don’t get drunk making mistakes – we get drunk defending them.”

This time, it landed differently for me.  Maybe it’s because he was not saying it about ME this time, but for the benefit of someone I love and care about. It landed differently because in that situation I easily saw what my sponsor was trying to say to him in regards to the old behavior he was wanting to participate in. What he was trying to share with him was that it is not the mistakes we make that get us in trouble necessarily, it is when our alcoholic brain kicks in and we start trying to defend that old behavior that we are screwed. He was trying to get my sponsee to understand that if we do that over, and over, and over – over time – it will take us back to the bottle.

I’m so grateful today to have people in my life who remind me of what my alcoholic insanity looks like and that I am reminded that insanity doesn’t have an expiration date. I’m grateful today that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself in me in the form of reminding me that “the same man will drink again.” I’m grateful that it has manifested itself in the reminder that old behavior is not “old” behavior if I am still doing it. I’m grateful that it has manifested itself in ways that inspire me to go to God today and ask that the thinking be removed that has me believing old behavior is acceptable for a man who wants to live a spiritual life today.

Ask yourself this:

“Are you defending your ISM (I, Self, Me) today and does that lead you to defending your mistakes?”

If you are anything like me and tell the truth when taking that inventory, the answer is yes. Let us, with God’s help, be entirely ready to have that thinking removed from us (Step 6) and then ask Him to remove it (Step 7).

In love and service,